Somehow, for some reason, you didn’t make it. Maybe I lifted something too heavy right at the moment you were trying to hatch. Or maybe I ate something too spicy. Or maybe…who knows. All I know is, it wasn’t your time to come into existence, and it wasn’t our time to become your parents.
I read somewhere that one belief is that baby’s souls are held in a sort of holding pattern, waiting to be assigned to a growing baby. There is so much controversy right now as to when a group of cells actually becomes a soul.
For us, you became real when we saw that grainy picture of you when you were just 9 cells big. I prayed for you to stay healthy and thrive in my womb. I held my breath every time I felt a twinge. I paid attention to every single way my body felt for the last two weeks. I didn’t drink caffeine, in case caffeine would harm you. I quit smoking months before we created you.
Even with all that, there was still a moment a few days ago where I woke up and just knew. I think it was Sunday. People say that it’s impossible to know a woman is pregnant this early. And that may be, but I now know it is possible to know when a woman is no longer carrying a soul in her body.
I’m so sorry, little one. I’m sorry I only got one picture of you. I’m sorry you couldn’t hang on. But know that your Mommy and Daddy love you just the same. For two weeks, we got to feel the happiness we have waited so long to feel. For that, we are grateful.
Until we finally meet,